Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
