i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
