sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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