Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
