Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
