you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
