Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
