my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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