ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
