Plan B is the new Plan A
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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