Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
