i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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