That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
