I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
