i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
