Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
