Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
