grandma shit on top of the toilet
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
