Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
