What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
