His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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