you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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