Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
only you would photoshop your dick
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
