Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
