since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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