I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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