that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
