I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
