The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
