I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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