I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
