the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
