Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
