im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
