I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
