It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
