Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
