I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
