i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
