I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
did i just pee glitter
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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