Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
