Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
