He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
