I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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