so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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