I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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