Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
