I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
