Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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