That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
